I decided that Peppermint Bark was too expensive to purchase from the expensive shops that sell it, when it can be made so easily at home.
I should have learned from past experience that dubbing any project "easy" immediately angers the cooking gods, thus rendering any project anywhere between frustrating and impossible. My current blatant disregard for the Rule of Cooking Gods resulted in the following evening's farse:
How NOT To Make Peppermint Bark
Try to photograph my "new" shiny Chocolatiere gadget...camera began eating batteries and refusing to take pictures.
Try again with camera #2...flash still dud, photos either black or bleached out.
Give in on photos and attempt to weigh chocolate. Scales won't switch on.
Finally get white chocolate into chocolatiere. Realise too late that the amount I am looking at thinking "that should be enough!" actually has to cover twice the area as I thought it did (top and bottom).
Find bowl, pan, and boil kettle to melt milk chocolate for new bottom layer that should be white chocolate.
Line baking tray with greaseproof paper.
Spread melted milk chocolate onto baking paper, put in fridge.
First layer accomplished! Yay!
Second layer, ganache. Get out ingredients. Go to empty and dry boiling water pan for putting ganache ingredients in. Come back with dried pan.
Realise block of chocolate in wrapper was accidentally placed on the recently switched off electric hob ring, and is now floppy.
Scrape chocolate off wrapper and into pan. Add other ingredients.
Realise that bottle of "Peppermint Essence" in the cupboard is actually vanilla.
Realise that peppermint sweets bought to make peppermint bark are actually spearmint.
Realise that sandwich bag container is empty.
Fashion half-assed sweet receptical out of clingfilm. Add spearmint balls.
Attempt to crush balls by whacking with rolling pin/heavy-based saucepan/heavy handle. Fail.
Transfer balls from wreckage of clingfilm into a bowl. Attempt pestle and mortar style crushing with glass bowl and utensil handle. Fail.
Give in and dig out blender. Transfer pristine, un-damaged, un-crushed balls from bowl to blender. BLITZ!!
Feel satisfied with neat crushed mintballs/powdered flavouring for ganache.
Melt chocolate and make ganache.
Attempt to pour powdered balls into pan.
Realise that heat from the blender has in fact melted the "powder" and it is in fact a granulated lump which is stuck in/under/around the non-removable blades in the blender.
Hack lump out with a knife, and resume pestle and mortar technique to break up the powder again.
Add to ganache, stir in, and spread onto bottom layer. Put back in fridge.
Layer 2 accomplished. Yay!
Break up mint powder again (what is wrong with this stuff?!), and add to white chocolate in chocolatiere.
Wait 15 mins, then spread white chocolate onto other two layers. Put back in fridge.
Go to transfer photos of process from THIRD camera onto laptop.
Both pieces of electronic wizardary insist on ignoring each other, despite being connected with a cable.
So, I will, one day, when my appliances stop revolting, provide photographic evidence of the evening's proceedings (not the profanity, that could not be captured in photographic form).