My place to share lots of photographs of my random crafty, makery, bakery and cookery projects, as well as random thoughts that might strike me and are too long for Twitter...

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

"Why Me?"

I have friends who, for no fault of their own, seem to get picked on rather a lot. In a conversation recently, one said to me "I don't know why they pick on ME..."

This is (basically) what I tell them:

The long answer? Some people say that people bully others because they see traits they don't like in themselves in that person. I'm sure in some cases that's true, but you know what? I think they see what they DON'T have (and you do) first. That still doesn't make it your fault. It means that they can't come up to you and say "Hey, that's nice. Wish I had/was/could..."

Maybe you're better looking than them, maybe you're smarter or more talented or more popular. Maybe you have more money, fewer financial commitments, more/better/newer possessions. Maybe you have fewer worries, more friends, a partner, a better relationship with your parents/family than they do. Maybe you're just happier than they are.

Sometimes, I swear that has a lot to do with it. People talk about "putting others down", but usually, if you look closer, you find it's not someone putting someone down, it's unhappy people trying to pull happy people down to their level. As Scrooge says in "A Christmas Carol" (Muppet or otherwise): "What right have you to be merry. . .You're poor enough." and that's the mentality. "Why should you be happy, when I think you have flaws I don't consider myself to have?" "Why do you deserve happiness when I dislike things about you, and I can't be happy?" They might decide to call you fat, or ugly, or stupid, or lazy, or old, or whatever. That doesn't mean that you are. Some people just can't stand that they consider you to be below them for whatever reason, and yet you still have what they don't, and think they deserve to have. Maybe they do deserve to have it. But it's not your fault that they don't, and you shouldn't suffer for it.

The internet sadly makes it even easier to bully someone. The 24/7 ability to attack someone, and hide behind a computer screen whilst you do it. Very often that's even worse. When in "real life" would you feel OK wandering up to someone and telling them to kill themselves, that you are going to turn up at their house and hurt them, that they are worthless, or that they'd be better off dead? If you would feel OK doing that, then you have a serious problem, and you need to get help. If you only feel comfortable doing it on the internet, heck, my advice would still be the same. You have a serious problem, and you need to get help.

If a food irritates your stomach, you stop eating it. If a product irritates your skin, you stop using it. So why when a person irritates you (for whatever reason) do you punish them for being in your life, instead of just cutting them out of it? If someone has a wheat allergy and continues to eat regular bread, we'd say they were pretty stupid. So why is it less stupid to continually expose yourself to someone who irritates you so much that you have to be cruel to them? It's not their fault that they have what you don't. Maybe it's not yours either. But if you choose to keep that person in your life when you could remove them from it and make you both happier in the long run, THAT is your fault. And if you keep them around just so that you can pick on them, so that you can put them down to make yourself feel better, try and embarrass them in front of your friends to make yourself look big and clever, then the worst thing you are doing to them is staying in their life. You're a toxic person. Stop leaching your problems and issues onto other people and take a long hard look in the mirror. The problem isn't theirs. It's YOURS and the longer you avoid it, the worse it will get.

A friend of mine told me the other day about the internet meme going around about drains and radiators. The short version is that radiators bring warmth and positivity into your life. Drains take away from you, they are the minus, the negative. A good long version can be found here, should you wish to read it. Bullies are drains.

The short answer? It could be, perhaps, that their shoes are too tight. Or it could be that their head wasn't screwed on just right. But I think that the most likely reason of all... may have been that their heart is two sizes too small.

That's just my opinions on the matter. I might be right, I might be wrong. Maybe a little of both. Either way, if you are being bullied, don't suffer alone.


I'm going to end with some links.

The Samaritans
Anti-Bullying Alliance

No comments:

Post a Comment